Cool vs. Uncool

“Hot or not” blog post mission statement: further irreverent commentary on what to eschew in modern day wedding planning is totally warranted until I stop seeing things that make me either choke on my laughter or cringe in agony.

I had to devote this one to photogs. Now hear me out: I am most passionate about photography, and wedding photography in general. Have you ever stopped to consider what immense talent it takes to shoot a wedding? You get one chance with limited lighting and a whole host of expectations to capture the essence of the couple’s day. Some of my dearest friends and colleagues are photographers, and their work inspires me on a daily (if not hourly) basis.

This is more of a discussion, if you will, about the more- er- traditional “wedding photog” . . . the gum-chomping, flash-popping, gold-chain-wearing emcee type who directs with abandon and loudly commands certain poses until the photographs produced are so contrived that their artifice is lost on no one, not even the three year-old ringbearer.

COOL:

A timeless black-and-white “bridal portrait” . . . even if taken on the wedding day, as this one was by local talent David Edwards Photography. He captured our bride Lesley in the last few moments before she departed for the church, as she visited with her Mama and received family heirlooms as gifts. Hunch: this one is framed in sterling on her mother’s baby grand.

UNCOOL:

First problem: all easels are ugly. It’s a universal understanding.

Second problem: the unnecessary artifice. If you’ve invited anyone to your reception who may not know what you look like, surely they shouldn’t have been invited. If you think upon entrance they need a pre-cursor to seeing you LIVE shortly thereafter, you’re wrong: they need a cocktail.

COOL:

The best kiss ever- WWII nurse and her sailor beau, die a little bit. Appropriate passion.

ALSO COOL:

Shot by Banner Photography, our lovely bride Julia and her darling groom Graham – genuine forehead kiss that totally kills me.

UNCOOL:

Ok, I just couldn’t do it. The astounding amount of tongue-down-throat wedding day shots out there would send your Daddy running for his gun. But you can use your imagination. Point: be a lady and a gentleman on the big day.

GENERALLY CRAZY BUT NOVEL AT LEAST:

COOL:

Genuine smiles, graceful gowns, and a beautiful shot in all color, thanks to A Bryan Photo.

UNCOOL:

Selective color digitally applied to one or two elements in a photo. Pass the Velveeta, please.

I couldn’t resist including this one, either:

The bits-o’-color make them look like cadavers- creepy. We get it, budding photog: you have Photoshop, and you have lead fingers on the selective color “button”.

COOL:

A dapper groom (our Will) helping his lovely bride (our Eliza) with her sweeping antique veil, shot by Tracy Turpen Photography.

UNCOOL:

Don’t tell me the wind swept the veil up and over the poor dude’s face.

Don’t tell me he didn’t reap massive abuse from his buddies after seeing such a shot online.

The veil is supposed to cover your face, honey chile. . . you don’t have to mosquito net the groom to make him yours.

COOL:

We had our floral designer Blossoms Events fashion two little lambs’ ear-wrapped boxes filled with fresh gray greens to hold the rings, and our bride Liz’s twin ringbearer nephews carried them down the aisle, as shot by Gayle Brooker Photography.

UNCOOL OPTION ONE:

Insert small gag reflex. Rings. Your rings. Peeking out of a rose. Natural? No. Goofy? Yes. Nix.

UNCOOL OPTION TWO:

Look- it’s your hand! under his hand! It’s your hands, and your rings! Resting aloft your flowers! In case you forget what they (the hands and the rings) look like.

Here’s a novel thought: how ’bout just take a gander at your respective hands on- oh- just about any given day post-wedding, and you can calmly reaffirm your memory of said appendages and jewels.

Regardless: have a sense of humor, as it will surely make for some memorable shots . . .

This is just kinda awesome. Does he weigh 40 lbs?

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