Hot or Not: A Jaunt thru SkyMall

It’s been a summer of travel, which means I’ve been rifling through the pages of SkyMall Magazine, stifling mad chiggles (the church giggles) and trying to maintain some semblance of maturity while flying. It’s like the HSN of the Air, on steroids.

It totally blows my mind that people have the excess cash (or not) to blow on stuff as seen below. In review:

What’s hot:

A Sno Cone Maker to replace the Snoopy one we all wore to bits.

What’s not:

A life-sized tailgating chair? While it would be hilarious to watch someone struggling with the setup and scaling the side of it to settle in, it’s possibly atrociously heavy, which may make you the laughingstock of the parking lot. Also, it’s called the Brobdingnagian Chair. Someone, please translate.

What’s hot:

Cotton candy is so de rigeur. Okay, maybe not, but at least it’s county-fair-inspired and this tabletop version would be way fun for kids.

What’s not:

You are destined for tooldom. I’ll pay for your lunchtime “lift” if you’ll vow not to be this girl. The best part? It’s manufactured by “no!no!”. I’m not even kidding.

What’s hot:

If you, like me, are a mama to a wee one who is onto your old school Hammacher Schlemmer Original Sleepsound antics, snuggle up to the Sleep Sound Lamb. You’re so sly.

What’s not:

Not sly. No one’s going to wander why the scent of poo is wafting from your planter.

What’s hot:

Making a total scene at the local park with what is seemingly a 150 lb. volleyball? Totally dig the attitude of it all.  It’s like this monster sprouted a baby.

What’s not:

You might as well just channel your inner agoraphobe: get thee indoors and don’t come out. I am embarrassed that this man even MODELED for this ad. This is worse than my parents’ predilection toward matching windsuits. Does it have its own coordinating 40′ carrying case, nay, its own zip code?

What’s hot:

This guy, minus the fake contacts and the thing on his head. Since he’s obvi devoid of human contact with others, (thus validating his purchase of a large mechanical contraption to hammer his head into shape), perhaps he should also buy one of these (how CREEPY is the one I found?!). Though while on topic, this thang is totally acceptable – you must try one out.

What’s not:

Yard art (“yart”) is bad enough . . . but ghoulish yard art that took someone painstaking hours to mold is reprehensible. I can just see the factory line of ladies somewhere in the belly of China meticulously carving each facial wrinkle and laughing inwardly at the idiocy of consumerism. Wow- that was faux-ly deep.

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